Shainie was my best friend and she passed away August 30th, 2013.
I miss you so much.
Aubrey emailed me today (WHAT???!!! Ikr!!). He’s found a place in Georgia and will be moving close to his family and even old school buddies. He says he’s going to type out the history of his last 47 years and pass them out so he doesn’t have to answer the same questions 400 times. He’s got such a sharp sense of humor. I miss him. I miss you and him together. I miss life before all of this.
I got my diagnosis 4 years ago. You were with me up until you left. The day I went into the psych hospital it was you on the phone with me as I walked in. Telling me everything would be ok and that this would help me, just let them help me get better. Your strength and encouragement and promise of being there every step of the way helped me walk through those doors.
Life before that all was so different. If I could back everything up, reverse time, I would go back to when I was working full time for you guys. Life was fun. Work hard, play hard and I did both and knew you guys and got to have you in my life. It really seems like a different life.
Back to Aubrey. So he closes on the sale of the house on the 10th. He asked me to change the email I use (he mentioned that it was still yours just that he would use the old one for junk mail and the new one for personal).
So he’s leaving the house. Changing emails. I need to be sure if he’s keeping the phone that I have listed under your name still. He’s even mentioned thinking about dating. I know life goes on, and I know he’s grieved in his way. Hell, you guys might have talked about such things, idk.
As for me, I’m stuck.
I miss you every day. I wish so much that the best relationship I’ve ever had had not been cut short by death. No one will ever take your place as the one person I came to for EVERYTHING. I told you everything and you gave me what I needed for every situation. Support, advice, an ass-whoppin’. It will never be the same with anyone else ever again. You were special and can never be replaced.
Part of our connection was your understanding of my depression specifically, my bipolar in general, and mental health care as a whole. God made us perfect partners and then He took you home. There is lacking in every current relationship I’m in with respect to my mental health issues. You knew it all. You knew.
I wish you were here. I miss you.
I’m not going to edit this or use any tags. I just needed to get a few things out.